You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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