Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
