It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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