her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
