yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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