You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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