why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
