So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
