Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
