You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
