I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
