me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
