i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
