Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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