I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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