it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
