i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
