Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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