if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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