i love accidental penises.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Don't tell me you're on acid again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Holy shit dude........stairs
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
