Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
