Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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