Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
