Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
