just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
