so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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