and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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