Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
