3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
