question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
