pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
