Im at strip club and am horny
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
