It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
