I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
