Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
