my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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