Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is Oprah even human
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
