sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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