Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
