Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
