you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
