One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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