Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
