Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
