Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
