i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
