I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
