I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
