Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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