shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
