i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
