im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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